Jopfasbat is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent hamster.

Jopfasbat created gold eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jopfasbat, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jopfasbat, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jopfasbat's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Jopfasbat's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Jopfasbat seven times a day.

2. Do not dye your hair green.

3. Never talk about turtles.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Hide if three monkeys approach from the south.