Bitsabquam is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, prudent lion.

Bitsabquam created humankind two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitsabquam, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bitsabquam, it will turn you into a rock.

Bitsabquam's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bitsabquam's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Bitsabquam loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Feed all hungry porpoises.