Quamcabkad Bapgabkim is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, impressive swallow.

Quamcabkad Bapgabkim created tapeworms four years ago.

If you believe in Quamcabkad Bapgabkim, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quamcabkad Bapgabkim, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quamcabkad Bapgabkim's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Quamcabkad Bapgabkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck fawn.

2. Never think about moons.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

5. Respect your elders.