Spagnutbag is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, dishonest jaguar.

Spagnutbag created the planet Saturn five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagnutbag, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Spagnutbag, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Spagnutbag's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Spagnutbag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair cyan.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Spagnutbag.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never talk about planets.