Gilwodcut is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, competent dragon.

Gilwodcut created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilwodcut, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gilwodcut, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gilwodcut's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Gilwodcut's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lemons.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Retreat if eight otters approach from the west.

4. Gilwodcut must be the most important thing in your life.

5. You must love Gilwodcut.