Fitjan is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, tranquil snake.

Fitjan created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitjan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fitjan, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Fitjan's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Fitjan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Fitjan loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not hurt sharks.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always take life seriously.