Gutkoncim is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, idiotic horse.

Gutkoncim created an up quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutkoncim, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gutkoncim, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gutkoncim's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Gutkoncim's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Gutkoncim on top of all buildings.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

4. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.