Tofcattunsandvabflab is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, grumpy jaguar.

Tofcattunsandvabflab created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tofcattunsandvabflab, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tofcattunsandvabflab, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tofcattunsandvabflab's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Tofcattunsandvabflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat oranges.

2. Never eat pineapples.

3. Tofcattunsandvabflab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.