Zimkansom is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, unfair seal.

Zimkansom created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimkansom, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zimkansom, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Zimkansom's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Zimkansom's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven ducks approach from the east.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zimkansom.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.