Futsandgum is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, grumpy ferret.

Futsandgum created the planet Jupiter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futsandgum, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futsandgum, he will turn you into a duck.

Futsandgum's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Futsandgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Never sit near pigs.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never wear shirts.

5. Do not drink alcohol.