Satmumnart is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind goat.

Satmumnart created light five million years ago.

If you believe in Satmumnart, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Satmumnart, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Satmumnart's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Satmumnart's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must love Satmumnart.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never feed lentils to doves while wearing mauve kilts.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.