Lapwegtitcarbidtamwigquim is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, vain salamander.

Lapwegtitcarbidtamwigquim created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapwegtitcarbidtamwigquim, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lapwegtitcarbidtamwigquim, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Lapwegtitcarbidtamwigquim's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Lapwegtitcarbidtamwigquim's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Never feed figs to moths while wearing cyan shorts.

5. You must never eat wheat.