Bamtigwee is a god.

She takes the form of a small, grumpy bat.

Bamtigwee created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bamtigwee, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bamtigwee, she will not care.

Bamtigwee's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Bamtigwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not speak about cherries.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate grasshopers.