Zakfudquat is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, self-assured newt.

Zakfudquat created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakfudquat, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Zakfudquat, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Zakfudquat's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Zakfudquat's Holy Commandments

1. Goats are not to be trusted.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

3. Do not speak about turnips.

4. Do not kill moths.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.