Zenmincum is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unthoughtful dog.

Zenmincum created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenmincum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zenmincum, he will turn you into a goat.

Zenmincum's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Zenmincum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Do not speak about bananas.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zenmincum.

4. Never feed beans to tapirs while wearing yellow corsets.

5. Never play with disobedient children.