Bastvogtarpfat is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, uncaring slug.

Bastvogtarpfat created a Higgs boson three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastvogtarpfat, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bastvogtarpfat, she will destroy your home planet.

Bastvogtarpfat's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Bastvogtarpfat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not dye your hair brown.

3. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always help whales.