Quagtofqueegbess is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, astonishing narwhal.

Quagtofqueegbess created the Whirlpool Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Quagtofqueegbess, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quagtofqueegbess, he will turn you into a sheep.

Quagtofqueegbess' most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Quagtofqueegbess' Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

5. Never jump near voles.