Watcapquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, witty dingo.

Watcapquaf created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Watcapquaf, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Watcapquaf, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Watcapquaf's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Watcapquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Do not drink water in violet rooms.