Stantiffit is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, self-assured raven.

Stantiffit created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Stantiffit, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Stantiffit, it will turn you into a snail.

Stantiffit's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Stantiffit's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never feed lemons to tortoises while wearing brown kilts.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Stantiffit.