Mankaptif is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, deceitful hyena.

Mankaptif created a charm quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mankaptif, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Mankaptif, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Mankaptif's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Mankaptif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never sing near mites.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never eat bark.