Tifdumzim is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, duplicitous swallow.

Tifdumzim created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tifdumzim, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tifdumzim, he will throw large rocks at you.

Tifdumzim's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tifdumzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Do not drink water in purple rooms.