Fotfarnbast is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciful walrus.

Fotfarnbast created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Fotfarnbast, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fotfarnbast, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fotfarnbast's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Fotfarnbast's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair fawn.

2. Never wear cyan shoes.

3. Never skip near porpoises.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. Do not stand on grass.