Pakzakquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a large, confident squirrel.

Pakzakquaf created the planet Jupiter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pakzakquaf, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pakzakquaf, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Pakzakquaf's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Pakzakquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Hide from green snakes for they are unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Pakzakquaf.

4. Do not kill squirrels.

5. Fast once a month.