Vanbemnakcanarn is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, omniscient mink.

Vanbemnakcanarn created the world six million years ago.

If you believe in Vanbemnakcanarn, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vanbemnakcanarn, he will not care at all.

Vanbemnakcanarn's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Vanbemnakcanarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. You must pray to Vanbemnakcanarn nine times a day.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Do not eat melons.