Jamtiglengumbonwegfem is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unsympathetic dryad.

Jamtiglengumbonwegfem created the universe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamtiglengumbonwegfem, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Jamtiglengumbonwegfem, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jamtiglengumbonwegfem's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jamtiglengumbonwegfem's Holy Commandments

1. Jamtiglengumbonwegfem loves dogs, so they must be respected.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Swans are not to be trusted.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.