Dapvonflap is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, humorless troll.

Dapvonflap created energy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dapvonflap, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dapvonflap, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Dapvonflap's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Dapvonflap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never feed lentils to pigs while wearing violet jumpers.

4. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

5. Never hurt tapirs.