Bidvinril is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, quiet aardvark.

Bidvinril created light five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bidvinril, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bidvinril, he will destroy your home planet.

Bidvinril's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bidvinril's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not speak about aubergines.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Bidvinril loves voles, so they must be respected.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.