Jatbedkabbed is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthoughtful mink.

Jatbedkabbed created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatbedkabbed, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jatbedkabbed, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jatbedkabbed's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Jatbedkabbed's Holy Commandments

1. Jatbedkabbed must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never feed figs to bats while wearing black jumpers.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.