Timquimjop Queegpibwot is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, confident cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Timquimjop Queegpibwot created dark energy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Timquimjop Queegpibwot, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Timquimjop Queegpibwot, it will curse you with boils.

Timquimjop Queegpibwot's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Timquimjop Queegpibwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Hide from purple turtles for they are unholy.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Erect six platinum sculptures of Timquimjop Queegpibwot on top of important buildings.

5. Never bounce in holy places.