Xucknabcad is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, self-confident goose.

Xucknabcad created everything that exists two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucknabcad, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Xucknabcad, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Xucknabcad's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Xucknabcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. Always help pigs.

3. Never paint your chest magenta.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.