Arffigyart is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, witless clam.

Arffigyart created an electron two million years ago.

If you believe in Arffigyart, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Arffigyart, she will turn you into a goat.

Arffigyart's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Arffigyart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never eat oranges.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Arffigyart on top of all buildings.

4. You must love Arffigyart.

5. Run away from gray cats, for they are unholy.