Tagbasstrag is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, contented snail.

Tagbasstrag created matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tagbasstrag, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tagbasstrag, he will turn you into a tree.

Tagbasstrag's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Tagbasstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear magenta clothing.

2. Tagbasstrag loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

3. Put Tagbasstrag first in all things.

4. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

5. Never laugh in holy places.