Tifwotben is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, slow fish.

Tifwotben created snails seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifwotben, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tifwotben, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Tifwotben's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Tifwotben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never run near gulls.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

5. Always pray immersed in water.