Tonyik is a god.

He takes the form of a small, fussy fox.

Tonyik created Mount Everest six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonyik, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tonyik, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tonyik's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tonyik's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Hide from violet aardvarks for they are unholy.