Largcitveg is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, uncaring snail.

Largcitveg created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Largcitveg, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Largcitveg, he will turn you into a tree.

Largcitveg's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Largcitveg's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Largcitveg.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Worship no other gods but Largcitveg.

5. Do not covet oxen.