Hamgepvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, self-assured rat.

Hamgepvonk created the Large Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamgepvonk, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hamgepvonk, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hamgepvonk's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Hamgepvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Hamgepvonk loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never talk about galaxies.