Tofartflap is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, stupid chicken.

Tofartflap created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofartflap, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tofartflap, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Tofartflap's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tofartflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to badgers while wearing purple shirts.

2. Retreat if eight capybaras approach from the south.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tofartflap.