Hivwatkar is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, awe-inspiring hyena.

Hivwatkar created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Hivwatkar, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Hivwatkar, she will turn you into a puffin.

Hivwatkar's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Hivwatkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Always obey Hivwatkar's priests.

3. Hivwatkar loves mice, so they must be honoured.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Hivwatkar.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.