Armfobtail is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unthinking jaguar.

Armfobtail created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armfobtail, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Armfobtail, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Armfobtail's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Armfobtail's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

3. Hide if four doves approach from the north.

4. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

5. Always obey Armfobtail's priests.