Hasarmnar is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, temperamental gerbil.

Hasarmnar created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hasarmnar, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hasarmnar, she will be very unhappy.

Hasarmnar's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hasarmnar's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Hasarmnar on top of all buildings.

3. Hide from pink sharks for they are unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate foxes.

5. Always look after injured squirrels.