Flatsasbop is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, boastful gerbil.

Flatsasbop created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatsasbop, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flatsasbop, she will turn you into a rat.

Flatsasbop's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Flatsasbop's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Flatsasbop on top of all buildings.

2. Do not take Flatsasbop's name in vain.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never wear jumpers.