Tanwipkik is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, contented tapir.

Tanwipkik created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanwipkik, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tanwipkik, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tanwipkik's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tanwipkik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never go into indigo rooms.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.