Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, stupid toad.

Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt monkeys.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Do not speak about coconuts.

4. Always help sick gulls.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Gumcussquill Gettettibellgud on top of all buildings.