Zagkenpom is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, two-faced tapir.

Zagkenpom created bats five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zagkenpom, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Zagkenpom, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zagkenpom's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Zagkenpom's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not wear brown clothing.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.