Metbem is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, effective wombat.

Metbem created the Black Eye Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metbem, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Metbem, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Metbem's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Metbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention geese.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Metbem.

4. Never sing near snails.

5. Never feed melons to doves while wearing white stockings.