Bellfetloop is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, capable aardvark.

Bellfetloop created oxygen nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bellfetloop, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bellfetloop, he will turn you into a tree.

Bellfetloop's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Bellfetloop's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear dresses.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.