Gatcidflab is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, two-faced gerbil.

Gatcidflab created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatcidflab, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gatcidflab, she will turn you into a frog.

Gatcidflab's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Gatcidflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always look after injured monkeys.

3. Do not wear carbon on your body.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Run away if nine sharks approach from the north.