Gumflapbess is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, caring lion.

Gumflapbess created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumflapbess, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gumflapbess, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Gumflapbess' most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gumflapbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Do not take Gumflapbess' name in vain.

4. Worship no other gods but Gumflapbess.

5. Respect your elders.