Flowbifham is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, almighty cat.

Flowbifham created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flowbifham, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flowbifham, she will jump up and down on your head.

Flowbifham's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Flowbifham's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

3. Always look after injured turtles.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.