Tamkemaf is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witty centipede.

Tamkemaf created Europe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tamkemaf, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tamkemaf, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tamkemaf's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Tamkemaf's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tamkemaf.

2. Worship no other gods but Tamkemaf.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Tamkemaf loves snakes, so they must be respected.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.